He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
