Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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