i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
