Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
