I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
