As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
