I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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