Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
