why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
