Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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