so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
third nipple confirmed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
