I met the friendliest cop last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love having hate sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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