And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
