Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
