not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
