i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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