people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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