so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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