was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
