i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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