It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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