i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
