is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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