No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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