It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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