I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
