There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
