If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
