A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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