Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
