So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
