none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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