I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
