ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
