the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
