I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
