Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She announced her abortion via fbk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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