What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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