She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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