I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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