Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
