Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
