I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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