A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
