Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
