tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
These tits shall not be calmed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
