the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
