i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
did i walk over a car last night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
