I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His nipple licking is glorious
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