OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
