so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
