I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
